English Oddities

I remember sitting in front of my TV set in Harrogate and watching as the queen prepared for her annual speech to Parliament. There was so much ritual involved, and most of it totally unfathomable.

Part of the ritual is that the queen pauses while a servant, Black Rod, tries to gather the members of the House of Commons. The door is shut in his face. He then knocks on the door three times with his staff. The doors are opened and they proceed to the House of Lords for the presentation. It’s a grand play that has been acted out for centuries!

Sometimes, going to the UK is a bit like visiting an alternate universe. One in which time stood still somewhere back in the dark ages. Their language and dialects are different, their traditions are (mostly) different, and their ideas of propriety are also quite different.

I’m hoping to attend the Trooping of the Color this year, and if I get a box seat (this is all outdoors), I’m required to adhere to a dress code or I may be turned away! I can see the president telling Americans they must dress a certain way or they can’t watch the fireworks on the Fourth of July!

It’s odd to me that the English look down their noses upon one story homes (called bungalows).

 “Well, I don’t know about having a bedroom on the main floor,” I’ve heard them say. A big question mark comes out of my ears about that time. So… you really want to walk up and down stairs on a daily basis to get to your bedroom? I’d eversomuch prefer a “bungalow” to a two story home. Always have.

Having beans on toast as part of my morning meal seems odd enough, but then there’s this Marmite stuff that is just beyond horrible! I’m reminded of the scene in “What Women Want” where Mel Gibson waxes his leg and nearly kills himself in the aftermath. “Who would do that more than once?” he gasps. That’s how I feel about Marmite.

I find it odd that the English have a fear (and anger) toward Americans having the right to bear arms… but then, the first chance they get over here, they want to shoot a gun. I must say, the two times I’ve taken my English friends to the shooting range, they’ve seemed to have had a blast! (Literally)

Why is Northumberland also called Northumbria and Cumberland called Cumbria? And why is North Yorkshire divided into North, South, and West Yorkshire, but then the East Riding appears out of nowhere. Why are there administrative jurisdictions vs. counties? What does it all MEAN??? And, following up on that, why do we have Great Britain, the UK, Commonwealth Realm, Commonwealth of Nations, EU, Crown dependencies, and British Overseas Territories? I’m so confused!!!

When I first arrived in England, the tanks for toilets were perched high up on the wall with a pipe leading down to the toilet bowl. You had to reach up to flush! I guess it had something to do with water pressure because when I took a shower back then, the only water pressure in the shower was gravity from the holding tank in the attic to the shower head.

They’ve gotten much better at it these days, but the English were actually color and pattern blind when it came to room decorating in the 80s. The carpet could be red and gold axminster, lined patterned wall paper, and floral curtains. That was the décor of the bedroom I stayed in.

Paying for toilets has got to be the lowest. What if there’s an emergency? And then… occasionally, you’ll find a bathroom attendant who you tip before you go. Luckily, not all toilets are pay toilets, but in many places you must pay to pee!

You can still find dialects in England (though they are becoming rarer) where the use of thee and thou is still used. “Sit thissen dahn” in Yorkshire equates to “sit thyself down”. How’s tha doin’? How are thou doing or How are you doing?

I know this sounds strange (and isn’t really English), but in the northern counties of England you’ll find hairy coos (cows) that look a bit like a large dog on hooves with horns. These highland cows are very novel to Americans and they are quite sweet, really, when I’ve come across them in my hikes.

I’m sure I’ll add to this list in the future, but what have you found odd in England or the UK? Life’s such an awesome adventure, and to experience this “alternate” universe is a wonderful gift I am so grateful for.